You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
