Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
