omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
