I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Less talking, more tequila
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
