I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
