He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize