One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I could fuck to npr.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
