you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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