My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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