Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
