i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
