I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Fuck appropriateness.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
