do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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