I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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