Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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