i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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