I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
