I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
