we have pet lesbian snakes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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