yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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