I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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