I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
