if i can run in heels then i can drive
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
