btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
