Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
