HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
