Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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