I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
