Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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