he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
