Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
