everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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