my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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