your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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