I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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