What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
