Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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