Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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