There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
