Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize