if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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