I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
