Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
