come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
