Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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