Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
