I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
