i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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