I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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