He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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