I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
