We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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