This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
