it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
