I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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