If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we're making bets on your personal life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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