you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize