You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
