Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
