im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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