you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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