i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
