I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
