After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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