I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
