I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
