So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
