does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
