I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
