my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
