hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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